Kneeling Man: This could get interesting. The Pope’s having a dig at the Donald with this one.
KM: Substitute the Donald’s bitch for the Pope’s bitch.
God: The Pope’s bitch?
KM: The Church. He’s married to the Church, right?
God: Oh, yeah, that. So… “Melania shines forth when she is missionary, welcoming, free, faithful, poor in means and rich in love.”
KM: See? She was poor in means but became rich by adopting a welcoming missionary position and pretending to be freely in love with a rich fat man.
God: Oh come on, Neel. That’s a bit of a stretch. Even for you.
KM: It’s designed to get the Donald’s attention, to let him know that the Pope’s playing.
God: Playing what?
KM: Twitter War. Remember their frosty encounter at the Vatican?
KM: So we know the Pope doesn’t like him, and he’s annoyed that the Donald can say and Tweet the most ridiculous nonsense and have his followers lap it up. Until now the Pope’s been the undisputed champion of ludicrous Tweets.
God: Yeah, there’s certainly evidence of that.
KM: And his only real competition came from idiots like Ken Ham and the Osteens and other snake oil preacher types, who are all pretty much on the same team.
God: What about Deepak?
KM: Fair point. But still a similar team. They all spout nonsense in the name of religion and woo woo, and people buy any old shit in the name of religion and woo woo. Whereas the Donald spouts nonsense that’s meant to make sense in the real world. It doesn’t of course, but his followers either don’t notice or don’t care.
God: So you think the Pope’s Tweet is a challenge to the Donald?
KM: It’s an announcement of taking the challenge to the Donald. In fact they’ve both been at it for a while. The Donald started it back in 2013.
God: Isn’t that a compliment?
KM: The Pope knows the Donald’s a congenital liar, so he assumes he’s taking the piss. Also the Pope hates the idea of being likened to Trump. Especially by Trump.
God: Makes sense.
KM: But does this?
God: That’s either greatly profound, or barely makes more than a flicker of sense. Another entry in the annals of ludicrous Tweets.
KM: He likes the Light theme.
KM: Why would we need to take refuge to ask the Virgin a question?
God: I’ll have a word to her about that and get back to you.
KM: You should get back to the Pontiff on that too. And on this.
God: Fair enough. But what’s the Donald got to do with all this Papal bull?
KM: Well, instead of talking his usual crap about China inventing climate change and secret plans to defeat ISIS in 30 days, he upped his game by reaching for the mysterious profundity card.
KM: I thought if anyone could understand that, it would be you.
God: No idea. And that was apropos of what?
God: Okay… And what brought that about?
KM: Christ knows.
God: No he doesn’t. And neither do I. Trump’s not good at this is he? Doesn’t sound even vaguely profound. Just dumb. He should get Deepak over to coach him.
KM: I think an attention span of more than a few seconds would be required to become skilled in the art of profound bullshitting.
God: True. You can’t fix stupid. Sources say he’s a vindictive bastard too.
KM: Damn right. And a bully. It’s a good thing the Pope doesn’t have missiles otherwise the Donald might try to threaten him by sending a carrier group to Australia.
God: Does anyone actually care what these charlatans say about each other?
KM: They’ve both got millions of followers on Twitter.
KM: You work in mysterious ways, big boy.
God: Indeed I seem to. Night, Neel.
KM: Night, God. Sleep well.
God: You know I don’t… ah forget it.