Pope dreams of Jesus in the middle

Pope dreams of Jesus in the middle
Pope dreams of Jesus in the middle

Kneeling Man: Oi, God, what’s the silly old coot banging on about here? I’m thinking that he might be asking a bit much. What do you think?

God: He’s asking you to remember to make Jesus an ongoing part of your life.

KM: Yeah, but I really don’t have much control over who shows up in my dreams.

God: He means dreams as in plans.

KM: He said dreams “and” plans, not dreams “as in” plans.

God: You’re being unusually pedantic tonight, Neel.

KM: A dream without a plan can end up turning into a nightmare.

God: What?

KM: I just thought of it. As a cool thing for a motivational guru to say. I bet someone’s already said it.

God: Have you been toking on the old wacky tobaccy tonight, Neel?

KM: I think the term is wacky baccy. And no, not yet. He said plans and dreams twice. So he must think they’re different, otherwise he’s just farted out a double redundancy.

God: This isn’t feeling like a good use of my time, Neel.

KM: Fair enough. Can we boil it down to him saying, make Christ the centre of all your plans?

God: At last. Not so difficult was it?

KM: If my plan was to get married and have children, that’d be a bit off though, wouldn’t it?

God: I don’t know what you mean.

KM: Well, me and my future wife with Jesus in the middle. Like in a threesome. I don’t really want to have that dream.

God: You’re being far too literal.

KM: When I dream about threesomes, it’s two-girl threesomes. I definitely don’t want some bearded, sandal-wearing hippy showing up. That’d be a serious cock block.

God: Are you deliberately trying to annoy me?

KM: By calling Jesus a cock blocker? No way. If I was trying to annoy you I would have called him a fuck deductor.

God: Ha, ha. Very not funny.

KM: So it’s okay if Christ’s in the next room, rather than right at the centre of the plan or dream?

God: If that makes it easier for you to understand, sure. Is that it for tonight?

KM: Can I just ask one more question?

God: Just a quick one.

KM: Did Jesus ever have a threesome?

God: Go to sleep, Neel.

KM: Night, God.

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