God’s plan for humanity

 

 

 

Kneeling Man: Sometimes I suspect the Pope has his people knock up a whole lot of random ecclesiastical sounding tweets so he can pretty much whip them off the shelf as he needs them.

God: He also tweets about current events.

KM: Yeah, but not very often.

God: Whenever he deems it necessary.

KM: So does he get people to generate a stash of tweets or not?

God: How would I know?

KM: You know everything.

God: Fair enough. But you understand the concept of doctor patient confidentiality right?

KM: You’re not a doctor. You told me that when I said my knees hurt.

God: And I’m not a lawyer either. But my requirement for confidentiality is greater then all the doctors and lawyers combined.

KM: So you’re not going to tell me who writes the Pope’s tweets?

God: No.

KM: Can you tell me any secrets at all?

God: What sort of secrets?

KM: The sort of stuff you tell prophets. You know, revelations.

God: Are you thinking of starting your own church?

KM: There’s good money in it, apparently.

God: There are more than enough churches already, Neel.

KM: So that’s a no?

God: That’s a no.

KM: But you don’t mind me posting our conversations on the internet?

God: Not at all. Why would I?

KM: In case people did start to treat me like a prophet.

God: Why would they do that?

KM: Because I’m talking to you directly. Just like the Pope.

God: You think people will believe you?

KM: Why not? Some people believe all that ludicrous crap in the Book of Mormon.

God: Good point. And what about Scientology? I’m amazed anyone believes that nonsense. And I know exactly how stupid people are.

KM: What do you think might be a good story to make up if you did want to start a church?

God: It’s time you got some sleep, Neel.

KM: Okay. Thanks, God. Good night.

God: Night, Neel.

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