Author Archives: Neel

Spouse of Mary Day

Kneeling Man: He’s on fire today. Jamming a whole shitload of piss-takes into one little tweet. God: What are you talking about, Neel? KM: Best wishes to fathers? God: Yeah, and? KM: Well he wasn’t a father was he, old … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins, Talking Crack | Leave a comment

Educating an act of love

Kneeling Man: An act of love, giving life. Almost a description of fornication isn’t it? You’d think he’d be more careful about this sort of thing. What with all the pedophile priest business. God: You think he’s thanking teachers who … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins, Talking Crack | Leave a comment

Monkeys in the Image of God

Kneeling Man: To avoid the confusion about man being special, why didn’t you make us unique? As in, having no common DNA with anything else? God: That would be too easy. KM: Too easy? You know what I say when … Continue reading

Posted in Evangelical, Talking Crack | Leave a comment

Question from Nigel

Kneeling Man: I’ve got a question here from Nigel. Nigel wants to know how and why you created day and night three days before you created the Sun and the Moon? God: The amazing thing, Neel, is that more people … Continue reading

Posted in Questions and Answers | Leave a comment

God’s plan for humanity

      Kneeling Man: Sometimes I suspect the Pope has his people knock up a whole lot of random ecclesiastical sounding tweets so he can pretty much whip them off the shelf as he needs them. God: He also … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins | Leave a comment

Mary, Mother of God

Kneeling Man: Does this mean the Pope trusts your mother more than he trusts you and Jesus? God: I doubt that’s what he means. KM: So it’s more like, give Mary a go because 2016 was such a crapper? God: … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins | Leave a comment

Question from Helen

Kneeling Man: I have a question here from Helen. It’s a bit of a curly one. God: Curly like a pig’s tail? KM: Sort of. In that it’s to do with Jews and Muslims. What’s with that whole anti-bacon thing … Continue reading

Posted in Questions and Answers | Leave a comment

The Ten Commandments

Kneeling Man: Some friends and I were talking about the Ten Commandments the other day. A few questions came up. God: Uh huh. KM: Firstly the Bible says that you carved them in stone, on two tablets. Is that true? … Continue reading

Posted in Ten Commandments, The Bible | Leave a comment

Life here on earth

  Kneeling Man: I don’t understand why he tweeted this. God: Why’s that, Neel? It makes sense to me. KM: Yeah, it makes sense, but it’s just stating the bleeding obvious isn’t it? God: He’s reiterating his faith. KM: Sure, … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins | Leave a comment

God is working

      Kneeling Man: I hope I’m not interrupting you, God. God: Of course not, Neel. Why would you say that? KM: Well, Joel Osteen said you’re working. God: I’m always working, Neel. Even now. This is what I … Continue reading

Posted in Evangelical | Leave a comment

Faecal fantasies

                    Kneeling Man: The Pope’s been talking about coprophagia. God: Yes I saw that. KM: What does it mean? God: Why are you asking me? Didn’t you look it up? KM: … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins | 2 Comments

The mystery of the Cross

Kneeling Man: I’ve got my cross here, God. God: I can see that, Neel. KM: It’s a mystery all right. God: The cross? KM: No, the tweet. Does it make any sense to you? God: It can only be understood … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins | Leave a comment

Empty spaces caused by evil

      Kneeling Man: He’s not talking about making love here is he? God: No. KM: Well that’s lucky. Otherwise it’d be like he was asking us to bonk twenty four seven. Ha ha. God: Neel. Remember who you’re … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins | Leave a comment

Save humanity and the world

      Kneeling Man: Saving humanity and the world’s a big one. God: It certainly is. KM: You think sin and evil are as big a threat as climate change? God: They’re difficult to compare. Different categories. KM: Are … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins | Leave a comment

Question from Lindy

Question from Lindy C, Kazakhstan. Kneeling Man: I have a question here from Lindy, from Kazakhstan. God: I’ll just briefly take this opportunity, Neel, to say that I never forsook that place, despite what many people say. KM: Lindy’s not … Continue reading

Posted in Questions and Answers | Leave a comment

Heart full of love

  Kneeling Man: A heart full of love sounds good. God: Nothing finer. KM: How merciful will I have to be to get one? God: I’m not following you. KM: Like if I chose not to kill an ant, that … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins | Leave a comment

Question from Andrew

Question from Andrew G (13) Kneeling Man: I’ve got a question for you, God. It’s from Andrew. He’s thirteen years old. God: Shoot. KM: Well that was an unfortunate word choice. He wants to know what he should do if … Continue reading

Posted in Questions and Answers | Leave a comment

Jesus in the middle

          Kneeling Man: I’m thinking that he might be asking a bit too much here. What do you think? God: He’s asking you to remember to make Jesus an ongoing part of your life. KM: Yeah, … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins | Leave a comment

Authentic and consistent

      Kneeling Man: I think we’ve got the abiding relationship thing happening here, but I’m uncertain about the rest. God: How so, my son? KM: Does this count as truly praying? I’m on my knees, but I do … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins | Leave a comment

A more human face

        Kneeling Man: I haven’t seen much hate and darkness recently. Should I look for some so that I can bring love and hope? God: Well… it’s usually not a good idea to go looking for trouble, … Continue reading

Posted in Papal bulletins | Leave a comment