Papal bulletins

mystery of the cross

Jesus came down on earth the mystery of the Cross

Kneeling Man: Oi, God! You there? God: Yes, Neel. KM:  Jesus came down on earth the mystery of the Cross? “Jesus came down on earth”, what’s that supposed to mean?  Doesn’t the Vatican have any competent translators? Did you see the Pope’s latest tweet? God: I’m omniscient, Neel, I see everything. KM: Of course you …

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Vatican Syndrome

Vatican Syndrome – a variant of Stockholm Syndrome

Leaving the Catholic Church is not usually as difficult as leaving other faith-based organisations, such as Scientology or Islam, where the consequences can be brutal. A Catholic doesn’t have to renounce Christianity in order to leave the church. There are many non-Catholic Christian churches that will happily welcome ex-Catholics. A Catholic could also decide to …

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Criminal Solicitations

When was the Catholic Church NOT a Haven for Pedophiles?

When was the Catholic Church NOT a Haven for Pedophiles? Kneeling Man: Oi, God! You there? God: Of course, Neel. KM: Right, stick your fingers in your ears and bugger off, you’re not going to want to hear this. God: What? KM: Piss off, I’m not in a good mood. This is a rant and …

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pope cannibal

Pope stimulated by the fragrance and flavour of Jesus

Is the Pope too enthusiastic about the flavour of Jesus Christ’s flesh? Kneeling Man: The flavour of Jesus. Holy shit. Oi, God, you there? God: Sure am, Neel. As always. KM: I was concerned a while back when the Pope talked about becoming sexually aroused by faeces, but I think his enthusiasm about the flavour …

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Spouse of Mary aka St Joseph the Cuckold Day

Spouse of Mary aka St Joseph the Cuckold Kneeling Man: Oi, God, your boy’s on fire today. Jamming a whole shitload of piss-takes into one little tweet. God: What are you talking about, Neel? KM: Best wishes to fathers? God: Yeah, and? KM: Well he wasn’t a father was he, old Joseph? He was a …

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Educating an act of love, giving life

Pope thanks all who teach in Catholic schools Kneeling Man: Oi, God, what’s this shit? Educating an act of love, giving life? Could almost be a description of fornication, no? You’d think he’d be more careful about this sort of thing. What with all the pedophile priest business. God: You think he’s thanking teachers who …

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Faecal fantasies – Pope talks about getting sexually aroused by faeces

Sexually aroused by faeces Kneeling Man: Oi, God! The Pope’s been talking about coprophagia. God: Yes I saw that. KM: What does it mean? God: Why are you asking me? Didn’t you look it up? KM: Yes, I did. God: I know you did. KM: Getting sexually aroused by faeces? I’d never heard of such …

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Pope says love fills the empty spaces caused by evil

Pope says love fills the empty spaces caused by evil Kneeling Man: Oi, God. The Pope’s talking crazy shit again. Any idea what he’s on about? God: The importance of love, Neel. Christian love. KM: So he’s not talking about making love then? God: No. KM: Well that’s lucky. Otherwise it’d be like he was …

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Pope hate and darkness

Pope tweets about hate, darkness, love, hope and human faces (not faeces)

Kneeling Man: Oi, God! Have you seen this one where the Pope tweets about hate, darkness, love, hope and human faces (not faeces). God: Why did you bring faeces into it? Shock value? KM: Yeah. And because the Pope has been known to talk about being sexually aroused by faeces, but there’ll be another post …

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pope marriage difficulty

Pope pontificates on marriage, difficult moments and the path of love

Kneeling Man: Oi, God! Have you seen this one where the Pope pontificates on marriage, difficult moments and the path of love? Why does the Pope think he knows so much about marriage? God: The Pope is a very wise man. KM: Yeah, I know. But he doesn’t have much experience in this area. God: …

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Pope faith gift

Pope says faith is given to us in and through the Church

Kneeling Man: Oi, God! What do you think about this? The Pope says faith is given to us in and through the Church. We wouldn’t have faith without the Church giving it to us. God: Is there a problem with that? KM: Not with the words. They actually make sense for a change. Just a …

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Forgiveness

Pope says God’s forgiveness is stronger than any sin

Kneeling Man: Oi, God! You there? God: Of course, Neel, as always. What’s on your mind? KM: This old tweet from the old coot’s like a get out of hell free card. You think that’s a good idea? God: What are you talking about, Neel? KM: He’s saying that no sin is as strong as …

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