One Way One Truth One Jesus One God
Kneeling Man: Oi, God, what happened to that old One Way Jesus with the pointy finger thing?
God: Did something happen to it?
KM: I don’t hear it so much these days. In fact the last time I heard it was a guy at an airport over a year ago bitching about how many air points it cost for an upgrade. What? One way? Jesus!
God: Very funny.
KM: And ISIS use the pointy finger sign too. What sort of idiots flash a gang sign that’s the same as the other gang’s?
God: Do you have something to say, or are you happy just trying to annoy me?
KM: Are they right? That the only way to heaven is through Jesus?
God: Well, yeah, I suppose… for them.
KM: That would mean everybody else is wrong. Billions of people believe in other ways to Nirvana. They can’t all be right.
God: It’s a curly one, I’ll give you that.
KM: It’s the exclusive club thing isn’t it? We are the chosen ones. God’s favourites to the exclusion of all others. We get heaven, you get hell, ha ha ha. And it’s okay for us to enjoy the thought of your eternal suffering because God is great and on our side.
God: I try to be inclusive to all.
KM: That’s not what your fans say. They say you’ve given them the universal, singular truth. One Way. The Path. The Truth. The Light. The Stairway To Heaven.
God: If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, don’t be alarmed now. As long as they find Heaven, what’s the problem?
KM: The mutually exclusive claims are the problem. I know you don’t want to pick sides, but they can’t all be right.
God: Perhaps at different times, in different places…
KM: Okay, okay. Enough already. Moving on. Did you ever notice that there’s only one theory of gravitation? One theory of evolution? And did you ever notice that real scientists don’t have to claim that there’s only one version of science. There just is. The laws of physics are the same in India as they are in Alaska. There’s pseudo-science of course, crystals and all manner of healing quackery, but pseudo-science never made a plane fly, let alone a phone call.
God: What’s that got to do with faith?
KM: Nothing. There’s no faith required. But, if there is a singular truth, science has to be the best contender. It doesn’t care where you were born. It doesn’t care what your parents believe or try to make you believe. It’s the same thing everywhere. There aren’t thousands of different gravities. Or different versions of gravity. Just one. One that adheres to one set of rules, one theory, that accounts for every measured observation of it, so far. Everywhere. In other words, it’s the truth. Same for evolution. Every newly discovered piece of evidence confirms it. There is no contradictory evidence.
God: There are thousands of contradictory opinions on evolution.
KM: Opinions aren’t evidence.
God: What about quantum gravity?
KM: What about it? When science reaches the boundaries of knowledge, it admits uncertainty. Which is a fine principle. Science doesn’t pretend to know things it has no way of knowing. It knows how to fly to the other side of the world. It doesn’t pretend to know how to fly to the edge of the universe. It’ll have a good think about it and tell you what it thinks might happen. But it won’t pretend to know what it doesn’t know. That’s what the truth looks like. No pointy finger required.
God: You’re getting way too serious tonight, Neel. You should stop thinking before you hurt your brain. I think I prefer you when you’ve been drinking.
KM: What makes you think I haven’t been drinking? Of course I’ve been drinking. Do you have any idea what it’s like living on this crazy fucking ant farm of yours in 2018?
God: You do realise I only exist in your head?
KM: Of course I do. I may be insane, but I’m not fucking crazy.
God: Night, Neel. Sleep well.
KM: Night, God. Thanks for listening.