Is the Pope too enthusiastic about the flavour of Jesus Christ’s flesh?
Kneeling Man: The flavour of Jesus. Holy shit. Oi, God, you there?
God: Sure am, Neel. As always.
KM: I was concerned a while back when the Pope talked about becoming sexually aroused by faeces, but I think his enthusiasm about the flavour of Jesus might be worse.
God: Hard to imagine.
KM: Cannibalism vs turd triggered turgidity? Could be argued both ways I guess. Whatever. Cannibalism seems to be his latest thing.
God: The Eucharist has always had a bit of cannibalism about it, Neel. Eat my body, drink my blood.
KM: True, but he’s getting into it with too much relish for my taste.
God: Oh, Neel, that’s pretty corny, even for you.
KM: Sorry about that. Flavour of words and deeds is okay, but the taste of death and the fragrance of spirit? It’s one thing to symbolically acknowledge his body and blood, but to fantasize about the taste of his flesh and the smell of his rotting corpse…
God: You really think that’s what he means?
KM: This is a man who talks about poos making him horny.
God: There is that.
KM: “… the taste of His Death and Resurrection, the fragrance of His Spirit.” There’s a level of enthusiasm about the flavour of Jesus that’s not far short of arousal. Almost as if he was fantasizing about eating Jesus’ liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti, then making that little clicking sound with his tongue.
God: Now you’re going too far.
KM: Okay, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and pretend he’s not being creepy and disgusting. So, apart from serving up yet another bowl of theological word salad, what the hell is he talking about?
God: How would I know?
KM: They say he’s got a direct line of communication with you.
God: So they say.
KM: Well does he?
God: Have you forgotten that I’m imaginary and you’re just talking to yourself?
KM: I’m only human, God. A lot of us make that mistake.
God: Too true. One day, just for fun, I’m going to answer the prayers of every single person in a football stadium. All at the same time. At the end of the game, everyone, including all the players, will believe that their team has won.
KM: How would that work?
God: Mass delusion, Neel. It’s very common. Every person of faith thinks their team’s the true winner.
KM: Just back to the football for a second, if you’ve got thousands of fans believing they’ve won, and they see all the fans on the other side waving flags and cheering like they’ve won, wouldn’t that spark a huge fight?
God: Ya think?
KM: Oh, yeah, I see what you’re getting at. We do a lot of fighting over mass delusions.
KM: I think I’ve had enough of prayer for one night.
God: Sleep well, Neel.
God: Yes, Neel?
KM: Could you tell me something comforting? To help me sleep.
God: I love you and care about you.
KM: Thanks, God.
God: And I won’t send you to hell.
KM: Thanks. That’s nice to know.
God: So long as you keep believing in me and praising me.
God: Ha, ha. Night, Neel.
KM: Night, God.