Be best. Be fastest. Be tallest. Be richest. Be stupidest.
Kneeling Man: Oi, God, you up?
God: Yes, Neel.
KM: What do you think of Melania Trump’s Be Best campaign?
God: I suppose she tried her best.
KM: Ha, ha. Not much evidence of that. Not much evidence of any affort at all. The pamphlet was an old one with a few changes. That’s not being best, that’s just plagiarism. It’s not even clever plagiarism. It’s just laziness with a few more deliberate, White House lies thrown in.
God: It’s a good word, plagiarism. It’s almost Biblical. Like blasphemy.
KM: You really don’t care about this do you?
God: What’s the big deal? Nothing new about plagiarism. It’s been around since before the Bible. Some say…
KM: All right, all right. Enough with the Bible stuff. How about the bit that is new? The logo.
God: She tried to make it be best?
KM: Doesn’t really roll off the tongue does it?
God: They say she designed it herself. I guess you’ll say it’s Not Very Intelligent Design.
KM: It’s not only Not Very Intelligent Design, it’s bad grammar. Isn’t the point of the campaign to encourage people to get educated, to learn a skill, rather than just having a go and being satisfied with crap?
God: How do you know she didn’t study graphic design?
KM: Ha, ha, good one.
God: She had to do something.
KM: I’m not so sure about that. I think a low profile might be a smarter option for her.
God: Is that it? She used an old pamphlet and you don’t like the logo. So what?
KM: Apart from being bad grammar, there’s also the whole concept of being best. Being better is something that can be aspired to, but there’s only one best. If you don’t win, you’re not best. Therefore, you’re a loser.
God: Sounds familiar.
KM: Exactly. Are we sick of winning yet? It’s the same sort of crap people like Lewis Hamilton say all the time. I want to inspire young people. If I can do it, so can they. No, they can’t. That’s just bullshit. Only one person per year can “be best” as in World Champion. Everybody else trying for that has to fail. If Lewis Hamilton inspires a hundred thousand kids to try to become a champion like him, ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety something are going to fail. There’s simply no space for everybody to be best. It’s a logical impossibility.
God: Can’t argue with that.
KM: It smacks of that tired old fat-cat talking point that poor people are lazy and deserve nothing. They should pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Not going to happen unless they’ve got boots. With straps. And nobody’s going to make any lemonade either, unless they have sugar and water and pots and pans and a kitchen. Some people work two jobs on minimum wage and can’t afford to pay the rent on an apartment with a kitchen. Not everybody can be rich. It doesn’t work that way.
God: I think you’re getting lost in your rant, Neel. Drifting off the point.
KM: No, it’s the same point. Rich assholes telling poor people to try harder. Especially rich, privileged assholes who’ve got where they are through inheritance and grift. Be cleverest. Be tallest. Be richest. Be stupidest. Be best stablest genius.
God: Are you done?
KM: Not quite. Because here’s the worst part. They not only dish out this useless, condescending, illogical piece of shit advice, which they’ve put almost zero time and effort into, they expect to be thanked and applauded and congratulated for it.
God: It takes all sorts, Neel.
KM: Very profound. You designed ’em, big boy. Not your best work.