Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites

Trump with Moses
Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites

The reason that Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites can be summarized easily. Trump behaves exactly like the God that Evangelicals have always worshipped.

Both of them are vain, selfish, narcissistic, vengeful and capricious. God even came up with a plan to teach mankind a lesson that involved impregnating another man’s wife. What could be more Trumpian than that? God also claims credit for every good thing that happens, and deflects all things bad, “mysterious ways” being God’s equivalent of “fake news”.

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What Trump wants from his supporters is the same thing the God of Evangelicals expects from his. Obedience and unquestioning loyalty.

If Trump were to write a set of Ten Commandments they would probably be very similar to God’s top ten. Take the first four commandments for example –

Trump 1st Commandment Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites

God – I am the Lord thy God, Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.

Trump 2nd Commandment Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites

God – Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image for I, the Lord, your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.

Trump 3rd Commandment Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites

God – Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain. The Lord will not absolve anyone who takes His Name in vain.

Trump 4th Commandment Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites

God – Observe the Sabbath day, to keep it holy, as the Lord, your God commanded you.

The God of the Bible states clearly that the most important four, of the ten most important things anyone has ever heard, and will ever need to hear, meaning the four most important things for people to live their whole lives by, are all to do with praise, worship and loyalty. They are all about how great God is.

Would Trump have stopped at just four? Who knows?

Trump 5th Commandment Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites

God – Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord, your God is giving you.

There’s an implied threat in this one, just as there is with Trump needing to obey Putin if he wants his days of freedom to be long.

The God of the Bible does not include rape and slavery in his Ten Commandments, and it’s highly unlikely that Trump would either, given his behaviour, although the Commandments are rules that don’t apply to the person making the rule. “Thou shalt not kill” isn’t a seamless fit with the story of Noah’s Ark, for example, if it’s interpreted as “nobody should kill”, but what it actually says is “you shall not kill”. God will do whatever he pleases.

Trump 6th Commandment Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites

God – Thou shall not murder.

Trump 7th Commandment Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites

God – Thou shall not commit adultery.

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Trump 8th Commandment Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites

God – Thou shall not steal.

Trump 9th Commandment Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites

God – Thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

Trump 10th Commandment Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites

God – Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s house. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to him.

And there endeth the Commandments.

Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites becauseTrump behaves exactly like the vain, selfish, narcissistic, vengeful, jealous and capricious God that Evangelicals have always worshipped.

Any person who can be conned into taking a knee for either one of these megalomaniacs can likely be conned into taking a knee for the other.

Evangelical Trump supporters are not hypocrites. Stupid? That’s another thing.

kneelingman avatar

 

Be best stablest genius. Not Very Intelligent Design in the White House.

Be best. Be fastest. Be tallest. Be richest. Be stupidest.

Be Best
Be Best Besty Bestest

Kneeling Man: Oi, God, you up?

God: Yes, Neel.

KM: What do you think of Melania Trump’s Be Best campaign?

God: I suppose she tried her best.

KM: Ha, ha. Not much evidence of that. Not much evidence of any affort at all. The pamphlet was an old one with a few changes. That’s not being best, that’s just plagiarism. It’s not even clever plagiarism. It’s just laziness with a few more deliberate, White House lies thrown in.

God: It’s a good word, plagiarism. It’s almost Biblical. Like blasphemy.

KM: You really don’t care about this do you?

God: What’s the big deal? Nothing new about plagiarism. It’s been around since before the Bible. Some say…

KM: All right, all right. Enough with the Bible stuff. How about the bit that is new? The logo.

God: She tried to make it be best?

KM: Doesn’t really roll off the tongue does it?

God: They say she designed it herself. I guess you’ll say it’s Not Very Intelligent Design.

KM: It’s not only Not Very Intelligent Design, it’s bad grammar. Isn’t the point of the campaign to encourage people to get educated, to learn a skill, rather than just having a go and being satisfied with crap?

God: How do you know she didn’t study graphic design?

KM: Ha, ha, good one.

God: She had to do something.

KM: I’m not so sure about that. I think a low profile might be a smarter option for her.

God: Is that it? She used an old pamphlet and you don’t like the logo. So what?

KM: Apart from being bad grammar, there’s also the whole concept of being best. Being better is something that can be aspired to, but there’s only one best. If you don’t win, you’re not best. Therefore, you’re a loser.

God: Sounds familiar.

KM: Exactly. Are we sick of winning yet? It’s the same sort of crap people like Lewis Hamilton say all the time. I want to inspire young people. If I can do it, so can they. No, they can’t. That’s just bullshit. Only one person per year can “be best” as in World Champion. Everybody else trying for that has to fail. If Lewis Hamilton inspires a hundred thousand kids to try to become a champion like him, ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety something are going to fail. There’s simply no space for everybody to be best. It’s a logical impossibility.

God: Can’t argue with that.

KM: It smacks of that tired old fat-cat talking point that poor people are lazy and deserve nothing. They should pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Not going to happen unless they’ve got boots. With straps. And nobody’s going to make any lemonade either, unless they have sugar and water and pots and pans and a kitchen. Some people work two jobs on minimum wage and can’t afford to pay the rent on an apartment with a kitchen. Not everybody can be rich. It doesn’t work that way.

God: I think you’re getting lost in your rant, Neel. Drifting off the point.

KM: No, it’s the same point. Rich assholes telling poor people to try harder. Especially rich, privileged assholes who’ve got where they are through inheritance and grift. Be cleverest. Be tallest. Be richest. Be stupidest. Be best stablest genius.

God: Are you done?

KM: Not quite. Because here’s the worst part. They not only dish out this useless, condescending, illogical piece of shit advice, which they’ve put almost zero time and effort into, they expect to be thanked and applauded and congratulated for it.

God: It takes all sorts, Neel.

KM: Very profound. You designed ’em, big boy. Not your best work.

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The Not Very Intelligent Design of Knees

Knees – the weakest link?

Kneeling Man: Oi, God, I just realised I didn’t put quite enough about knees in my new book, Not Very Intelligent Design.

God: Really? I think you said more than enough about everything, quite frankly.

Knees need a smaller hammer
Knees are tapped with special hammers

KM: When it comes to knees, I understand why you stuffed up.

God: I don’t stuff up. I may work in mysterious ways, but I don’t stuff up.

KM: Your first four commandments are all about praising you, right?

God: Sort of, ish, yeah…

KM: And that involves us getting down on our knees, right?

God: That’s the traditional way.

KM: Your knees don’t need to be as sturdy as ours because you don’t pray to yourself, do you? Or do you?

God: Of course not.

KM: In fact lying around on soft clouds all day means you hardly use your knees at all. So you see, making us in your own image was a stuff up. Because human knees give a lot of trouble and pain and often need replacing well before the rest of the body gives up.

God: You think I should do another big flood and start over with Humans 2.0?

KM: If you do, make sure you read my book first.

God: I know what’s in your book, Neel. I know everything.

KM: Yeah right, I’m tired. Good night.

God: Night, Neel. Sleep well.

KM: There’s another stuff up. The fact that we need a sleeping pill industry.

God: Are you still talking?

KM: No. I’m trying to sleep.

For those who’ve not yet read it
here’s an excerpt about knees from
Not Very Intelligent Design

KNEES

Knees are a problem. Mainly because they’re just not strong enough for the job. Any kind of load or stress can injure them. Fear can make them tremble, as can upright coitus. Ligaments and cartilage are easily torn. Knees can fracture, swell and freeze. And when they get a bit of age on them they can develop osteoarthritis. They should be built out of a tougher material. Like titanium. Which they probably will be if you have to have them replaced.

Knees are often hit by doctors with small hammers, although nobody’s quite sure why. It is thought that the practice was first seen in a movie called Doctor Doctor in 1943, which was the story of a single woman who was so keen to have a son who was a doctor that she legally changed her surname to Doctor, and then named her first born son Doctor, just to make sure. Unfortunately Doctor Doctor didn’t manage to qualify for medical school and went to work in a hospital as a janitor.

One day there was an emergency, and on hearing someone call doctor, Doctor Doctor looked up and before he could dispel the error, was rushed by the arm to the emergency room. A dazed looking patient was sitting on the edge of a bed and Doctor Doctor, who happened to be carrying a small hammer, was asked to diagnose the patient’s condition.

Knees
Doctor Doctor’s original knee hammer

After a moment of bewildered hesitation, Doctor Doctor commenced the consultation by giving the patient a light tap on each knee. The reflexive kicks caused the nurses to start giggling which encouraged Doctor Doctor to repeat the action. The ensuing hilarity and applause caused more and more people to gather round and Doctor Doctor was carried away in the moment, performing more and more intricate rhythmic tapping routines on the knees of the unfortunate patient, who subsequently required bilateral knee replacement surgery.

After being dismissed by the hospital, Doctor Doctor began to perform the routine as a side show in a travelling circus, before turning the act into a new branch of medicine called Reflexology, thus finally fulfilling his mother’s dreams.
Knees – 3/10 (Too fragile, insufficiently flexible.)

Excerpt from Not Very Intelligent Design –  available HERE.

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Making Shit Up Isn’t The Problem

Making shit up is fine, saying it’s true isn’t

Kneeling Man: Oi, God, are you there? No? Doesn’t matter. I’m in the mood for a rant, not a conversation.

Making Shit Up
Making Shit Up – Horses Discussing the Meaning of Life

 

KM: Horses stand around in paddocks wondering what the fuck’s going on. Then they stop wondering, look down and eat grass. This goes on until something happens. Such as when someone comes along and gets on their back. They still don’t know what the fuck’s going on, but it gives them something to do. Either take the person for a ride, or try to buck them off. Or both.

When men and women sit around wondering what the fuck’s going on, some wait for something to happen (often the best thing to do if there are a few cold beers handy), and others decide to do something. They can either try to figure out what the fuck’s going on, or, if that’s too difficult (it’s called science), they can make shit up. We make shit up for entertainment mostly, but we also do it to educate. And sometimes to deceive. It’s what we do. Making shit up is one of the things that sets us apart from horses.

The shit we make up can be good or bad or brilliant. It can be poetry, or a painting, or a song, or a good story. Which can be a great experience for the person who creates it, and very enjoyable for an audience too. All good clean fun. Until the person who made the shit up claims the shit they made up isn’t made up at all, but is real, as in actually, factually real. The problems resulting from this can range from a minor spat between infants to all out war and genocide.

Penn Jillette hates it when people in the magic business pretend that magic is “magic”, as in mystical woo-woo, rather than expertly executed tricks. It puts a slightly sinister and wholly dishonest edge on entertainment that should be good clean fun. Such magicians seem to take pleasure in conning the gullible, rather than entertaining peers. I’m not sure if Penn has taken this as far as I’m about to here, but if so, I apologise. (It might be one of those things where you wake up thinking you’ve had an original thought but in fact your brain’s used dreamtime to rehash something you’ve already heard, and make you think you thought of it.)

People who put on the woo-woo may be motivated by trying to generate the guru effect, under which attractive young women are deceived into willingly offering themselves up for the sexual gratification of the mystical master.

When a charlatan finds he’s having some success with the woo-woo guru effect (it’s pretty much always men that do this), he may decide to go full bhagwan maharishi and start his own religion. For those who enjoy power and domination, having your own flock to do your bidding, give you money, and exercise your party bits, is the ultimate win. The shit you make up, which you call the truth, can be whatever you think your flock will swallow, the only requirement being that it’s not too easy to prove it’s bullshit. In the short term at least.

Whoever wrote the Bible didn’t go for the finding stuff out thing, they went for the making shit up option. It’s obvious they didn’t know anything about planets, stars, solar systems, the universe or anything like that, because back then, nobody did. Those who chose the scientific option were mostly preoccupied with swords and aqueducts and wine.

As all writers know, the moment you’ve written once upon a time, or, in the beginning, you have to write some more words. And if you don’t know what really happened in the beginning (still a mystery), you have to make something up. Usually a story.

Which is fine. We all like a good story. And if the story has a moral to it, one that helps us understand our place in the world and offers some guidance or reason for our existence, that’s even better. Stories that help us understand something about the human condition are always useful. But if a story’s made up, and then claimed to be true, with a large dollop of mystical woo-woo attached, that makes it dishonest and sinister.

Whoever wrote the book of Genesis was making shit up in order to fill a massive void in the “what the fuck’s going on” situation. It was a story to help people deal with the big questions, and to provide answers.

Which would have been fine had it been a book of the month, superseded by new books reflecting the ever-growing knowledge of mankind, but somehow it became a book of millennia, with huge dollops of “interpretation” becoming necessary to get past the problem that when read literally, it’s self-evident nonsense.

There are many different versions of the Bible, but in simple terms the book of Genesis starts like this –

Day 1 – In the beginning God created day and night.
Day 2 – God created the sky.
Day 3 – God created the land and the sea and the plants and the trees.
Day 4 – God created the sun, moon, and stars.

In other words, day and night, and plants and trees, pre-existed the sun.

Which is self-evident nonsense. Just plain wrong. Utterly impossible. Of course nobody back then knew about the solar system or how it works. If a creator of the solar system ever existed, they obviously had nothing to do with the writing of Genesis. Obviously, because it would have been so easy to at least get it chronologically correct whilst remaining ecclesiastically vague.

For example –

In the beginning, God created the universe, scattering stars and all manner of celestial objects far and wide.
Then, God created the earth and the oceans and the mountains and the lakes.
Then, God created all the plants and trees and creatures in the sea, and in the air, and on the land.
Then, God rested.

There, just like that. Easy. But it wasn’t written that way because they didn’t know what the fuck was going on. So they settled for making shit up. And claimed it was true. And then they hunted and killed and burnt people at the stake who dared to contradict them. For hundreds of years.

Which is why we need to start teaching kids to assume everything’s fiction unless decent evidence exists to the contrary. In fact we all need to develop skills to be less vulnerable to scamming charlatans of all types, whether religious, political, financial, emotional or magical.

And it’s also why watching someone doing card tricks or juggling or playing football or riding horses or listening to Penn’s Sunday School is a much better way to spend your Sundays than going to church.

God: I can hear you.

KM: Good.

God: Are you feeling somewhat unburdened?

KM: Night.

God: Night, Neel. Sleep well.

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The Ten Commandments – thirty five percent useful

The Ten Commandments - thirty five percent useful

The Ten Commandments – thirty five percent useful

Kneeling Man: Oi, God! I was talking to some people the other day about the Ten Commandments. A few questions came up.

God: Uh huh.

KM: Firstly the Bible says that you carved them in stone, on two tablets. Is that true?

God: Sort of. I didn’t personally carve them, but I caused them to be carved.

KM: So Moses carved them?

God: People like Moses.

KM: And they’re your exact words?

God: A little bit always gets lost in translation.

KM: But they’re basically your ten commandments.

God: Yes, Neel. What were the questions?

KM: My friend said that he thought making the first four all about needing to praise you was a bit, how can I put this without sounding too critical… narcissistic?

God: I admit it may seem a little bit that way.

KM: But you are God, the only god, so what’s the point of saying we must not pray to any other gods?

God: Back in the day, people were praying to all manner of gods. Zeus, Thor, Neptune. The Aztecs were dragging young virgins up pyramids and cutting their hearts out. So it was pretty important to get across the one single god idea so that all that nonsense would stop.

KM: Right. Fair enough. I hadn’t really looked at it that way. Let’s move on to number five.

God: Honour thy father and thy mother.

KM: Exactly. Seems a bit redundant to me.

God: Why’s that, Neel?

KM: Well everybody I know with decent parents loves them and honours them anyway. They don’t need to be commanded to do it. But if your parents had sold you into child slavery for example, having to honour them as a pre-condition for getting into Heaven seems a bit tough. They wouldn’t really deserve to be honoured would they?

God: Once again, times have changed. Sometimes fathers had to sell daughters just to make ends meet.

KM: Okay. Well let’s leave that for now and move on to tablet two.

God: Commandment number six. Thou shalt not kill.

KM: That’s a good one. Nobody had any problem with that. One hundred percent approval.

God: You’re saying I’m one for six in your friends’ eyes right now?

KM: Pretty much. Let’s go to number seven.

God: Thou shalt not commit adultery.

KM: As a general concept it’s fine, but to be written in stone sort of implies no exceptions, don’t you think?

God: It does have that about it.

KM: What about a young woman, newly married, husband goes off to war, doesn’t return. Probably dead, but nobody knows for sure. Does she have to stay celibate for the rest of her life?

God: That’s a curly one.

KM: But the same commandment means that a fifty year old man, who bought a nine year old girl from the father we talked about earlier, commits no crime when he sleeps with her. Even though he’s effectively bought a sex slave.

God: It’s hard to write things that perfectly fit all examples for all time on two tablets of stone, Neel. Twitter gives you more space than that and you know what happens there.

KM: Fair point. Thou shalt not steal. Another winner.

God: Two for eight?

KM: Two and a half for eight. Half a point for adultery.

God: Gee thanks.

KM: Thou shalt not bear false witness. That’s fine. Three and a half for nine.

God: Commandment number ten. Thou shalt not covet. How did that go?

KM: Not well. It’s pretty hard not to look at a neighbour’s new Corvette and not admire it. We figured that coveting was merely human nature. So long as you have no plan to act on it, then it’s not really a carved-in-stone level of sin.

God: Half a point?

KM: Nah, sorry. Final score, three and a half out of ten.

God: Well, Neel, as I said before, times change. If I was going to write ten commandments today, they wouldn’t be quite the same.

KM: Why don’t you? Isn’t it about time? I mean you could use those other six and a half commandments for things that didn’t make the cut last time. Like rape, child abuse, slavery, physical assault, starting wars…

God: Thou shalt not discriminate for reason of race, tribe, gender, sexual orientation, religious belief, or lack of…

KM: Exactly! Freedom of speech… not trying to impose your beliefs on others…

God: I hear you Neel, and I am working on it. But I don’t want to carve anything in stone until I’m sure it’s right. Be a shame to rush into it, look what happened last time. And knowing how critical you and your friends can be…

KM: Sorry about that God, just trying not to bear false witness.

God: Good work, Neel. Sleep well.

KM: Night. God.

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