God and the Holy Ghost pre-Jesus conversation
God: One day people will refer to this as the famous God and the Holy Ghost pre-Jesus conversation.
Holy Ghost: What are you talking about?
God: I’m talking about thousands of years from now. In the post-Jesus era.
HG: What’s the post-Jesus era?
God: You’ll see soon enough, Holy. You’ll see.
HG: Anything I can help with?
God: Aaah, nah. Not really.
HG: Just like yesterday and the day before, ad infinitum?
God: Pretty much, yeah.
HG: Why do I even exist? I never do a goddamn thing.
God : Give it a break, Holy. I’m not in the mood today. There’s problems down there on earth. Serious problems.
HG: What sort of problems?
God: Sin, Holy, sin. It’s everywhere.
HG: Okay. What are you gonna do about it?
God: I’ll send an envoy. A messenger from God.
HG: Woo hoo, at last, something to do. You talkin’ ’bout me? You talkin’ ’bout me?
HG: Then who the hell else are you talking… you talking ’bout me? Well I’m the only one here.
God: I’m gonna send my son. My only begotten son.
HG: What son? When did you get a son? I didn’t know you had a son.
God: I don’t. Not yet. I shall beget one. And he shall redeem all the sinners.
HG: Why the sinners? What about the good people?
God: They’re all sinners, Holy. Every last motherless one of them.
HG: That’s a whole lotta soul savin’ you’re talkin’ about.
God: That’s why I’m sending my boy.
HG: Have you not heard the expression, “Never send a boy to do a man’s job”?
God: Of course. I’m not sending a boy. I’m sending a baby.
HG: You’re sending a baby?
God: That’s right.
HG: To solve the greatest problem the world’s ever faced?
HG: But it’ll be like… twenty years before he starts saving any souls.
God: More like thirty. He’ll get a trade first. Something solid to fall back on if the whole preaching thing doesn’t work out. I’m thinking carpentry. There’s always a need for good carpenters.
HG: Let me see if I understand this correctly. Saving the souls of the sinners, meaning everyone on earth, is really, really important, the most important thing ever, but it can wait for thirty years while your baby son goes through infancy, childhood, adolescence, a carpentry apprenticeship and young adulthood before he’ll be ready to get on with the job?
God: Yep. That’s the plan.
HG: Unfekkin’ believable.
God: He’ll also need to be baptised before he starts his preaching. That’ll happen when he’s about thirty. I’ll get John to do that.
God: John the Baptist. Right now he’s still a kid. John the Nappy Filler. He’ll get famous for dunking heads later.
HG: You’ve lost me.
God: I work in mysterious ways, Holy. Mysterious ways. You know that. You know why this’ll be called the famous God and the Holy Ghost pre-Jesus conversation?
HG: At this point I really don’t care. Do you?
God: Because out of sheer frustration, you’ll inadvertently name him.
HG: Oh Jesus Christ.
God: And there you go. That’s what he shall be known as. Jesus Christ.
HG: What sort of a name’s Jesus Christ?
God: The sort of name I just made come out of your mouth.
HG: I thought this was meant to be a co-equal relationship.
God: Mmm… It has been talked about like that, but… Soon it will a triumvirate.
HG: Sweet baby Jesus.