Kneeling Man: Oi, God! What do you think about this? The Pope says faith is given to us in and through the Church. We wouldn’t have faith without the Church giving it to us.
God: Is there a problem with that?
KM: Not with the words. They actually make sense for a change. Just a bit surprised at the bare-faced admission that without indoctrination people wouldn’t believe. I sure as hell wouldn’t have thought about going to church on my own. Certainly not as a child.
God: Which is exactly why it’s important for the Church to give the faith to children.
KM: So you’re saying if people weren’t indoctrinated as children most of them wouldn’t find faith at all?
God: I think we’re all in agreement on that, Neel.
KM: Even if a flock of faithful believers is what you want, can’t you see that indoctrination is wrong? It’s just another word for brainwashing.
God: At least it’s brain washing, Neel. Implanting nice clean thoughts. It’s not brain dirtying.
KM: What’s the point of giving free will to humans if your agents down here try to reprogram young minds into unquestioning belief? Do you really want armies of unthinking little clones running around doing your bidding?
God: That’s not what happens though, is it, Neel?
KM: Not to everybody, no. Thank, Christ.
God: You’re welcome.
KM: You know that’s not what I meant. Your priests take the uncluttered young minds of children and fill them with all sorts of awful thoughts that they wouldn’t otherwise have, and certainly wouldn’t miss if they didn’t have them. A whole lot of guilt and fear. For what? To increase the numbers of the flock to make ever-increasing donations to build cathedrals of gold?
God: Priests don’t fill kids with guilt and fear.
KM: Oh, come on. Of course they do. All the tales of damnation and the fires of hell. If you’re bad you’ll be tortured for eternity. And to make it worse they’re told that God can read their minds, so just thinking naughty thoughts can make them terrified. It’s a form of child abuse. All Catholic kids get the mental child abuse, the unlucky ones also get the sexual abuse to go with it. And the priests that abuse them use the fear of God to keep them silent.
God: Sexual abuse is a whole other topic, Neel. Let’s stay on point. You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Indoctrination is part of the process. Faith will help build them back up and make them stronger.
KM: After you’ve torn them down. Couldn’t you just give the gift of faith to adults?
God: Doesn’t tend to work as well.
KM: Oh really? And why do you think that is?
God: You know why, Neel. Young minds haven’t the experience to judge what’s real. Young minds are easier to make believe.
KM: Make believe. Exactly. Fairy tales for instance. Santa Claus and the tooth fairy. Kids gobble that shit up. Adults not so much.
God: If it hasn’t been drummed in early, people are less likely to believe in something without evidence.
KM: So why not just give them the evidence?
God: It’s not as easy as that.
KM: Why not? Why not just part the clouds and shout down at everybody, “Listen up. Here’s the gift of faith. Use it. Be faithful. Stop being bad!” And close the clouds again.
God: That’s not how I work.
KM: I know that, but I don’t understand why. If you decided it was a good idea to show yourself a couple of thousand years ago, why’s it a bad idea now?
God: You’re not meant to understand why, Neel. You’re just meant to believe. If I explained everything to you, it wouldn’t be mysterious would it?
KM: No but it might make sense.
God: But I work in mysterious ways.
KM: That you do.
God: So, have faith, Neel. Accept the gift.
KM: Yeah, fucking lovely gift. Blind faith. Mental slavery. Might as well say it out loud since you say you can read my mind.
God: It’s still bad manners. Good night, Neel. Sleep well.
KM: Night, God. Night, Santa. Night, tooth fairy. And thank Christ that none of you exist.
