Year: 2016

The Ten Commandments – thirty five percent useful

The Ten Commandments – thirty five percent useful Kneeling Man: Oi, God! I was talking to some people the other day about the Ten Commandments. A few questions came up. God: Uh huh. KM: Firstly the Bible says that you carved them in stone, on two tablets. Is that true? God: Sort of. I didn’t …

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God is working, winter always gives way to spring

God is working, winter always gives way to spring Kneeling Man: Oi, God, you there? I hope I’m not interrupting you. God: Of course not, Neel. Why would you say that? KM: Well, that smarmy-faced bullshitter Joel Osteen said you’re working. God: I’m always working, Neel. Even now. This is what I do. KM: Of …

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Faecal fantasies – Pope talks about getting sexually aroused by faeces

Sexually aroused by faeces Kneeling Man: Oi, God! The Pope’s been talking about coprophagia. God: Yes I saw that. KM: What does it mean? God: Why are you asking me? Didn’t you look it up? KM: Yes, I did. God: I know you did. KM: Getting sexually aroused by faeces? I’d never heard of such …

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Pope says love fills the empty spaces caused by evil

Pope says love fills the empty spaces caused by evil Kneeling Man: Oi, God. The Pope’s talking crazy shit again. Any idea what he’s on about? God: The importance of love, Neel. Christian love. KM: So he’s not talking about making love then? God: No. KM: Well that’s lucky. Otherwise it’d be like he was …

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Pope hate and darkness

Pope tweets about hate, darkness, love, hope and human faces (not faeces)

Kneeling Man: Oi, God! Have you seen this one where the Pope tweets about hate, darkness, love, hope and human faces (not faeces). God: Why did you bring faeces into it? Shock value? KM: Yeah. And because the Pope has been known to talk about being sexually aroused by faeces, but there’ll be another post …

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pope marriage difficulty

Pope pontificates on marriage, difficult moments and the path of love

Kneeling Man: Oi, God! Have you seen this one where the Pope pontificates on marriage, difficult moments and the path of love? Why does the Pope think he knows so much about marriage? God: The Pope is a very wise man. KM: Yeah, I know. But he doesn’t have much experience in this area. God: …

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Pope faith gift

Pope says faith is given to us in and through the Church

Kneeling Man: Oi, God! What do you think about this? The Pope says faith is given to us in and through the Church. We wouldn’t have faith without the Church giving it to us. God: Is there a problem with that? KM: Not with the words. They actually make sense for a change. Just a …

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Forgiveness

Pope says God’s forgiveness is stronger than any sin

Kneeling Man: Oi, God! You there? God: Of course, Neel, as always. What’s on your mind? KM: This old tweet from the old coot’s like a get out of hell free card. You think that’s a good idea? God: What are you talking about, Neel? KM: He’s saying that no sin is as strong as …

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Pope gentleness

Pope asks the Lord to give us the gentleness to look upon the poor

Kneeling Man: Oi, God! The Pope wants me to ask you something. God: What’s that, Neel? KM: Can I have the gentleness please? God: Sure. Have as much as you like. KM: Is there no limit? I thought I might have to do something for it. Like say a few Hail Marys or something. God: …

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Pope Jesus meaning

Pope says the Church has no other meaning and finality…

  Kneeling Man: Oi, God! You there? Did you see this? The Pope says the Church has no other meaning and finality than to witness Jesus. God: Uh huh. KM: I’ve been struggling with this in a couple of ways. God: Life can often be a struggle, Neel. KM: Yeah, quite often. And often thanks to …

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