Pope dreams of Jesus in the middle
Kneeling Man: Oi, God, what’s the silly old coot banging on about here? I’m thinking that he might be asking a bit much. What do you think?
God: He’s asking you to remember to make Jesus an ongoing part of your life.
KM: Yeah, but I really don’t have much control over who shows up in my dreams.
God: He means dreams as in plans.
KM: He said dreams “and” plans, not dreams “as in” plans.
God: You’re being unusually pedantic tonight, Neel.
KM: A dream without a plan can end up turning into a nightmare.
KM: I just thought of it. As a cool thing for a motivational guru to say. I bet someone’s already said it.
God: Have you been toking on the old wacky tobaccy tonight, Neel?
KM: I think the term is wacky baccy. And no, not yet. He said plans and dreams twice. So he must think they’re different, otherwise he’s just farted out a double redundancy.
God: This isn’t feeling like a good use of my time, Neel.
KM: Fair enough. Can we boil it down to him saying, make Christ the centre of all your plans?
God: At last. Not so difficult was it?
KM: If my plan was to get married and have children, that’d be a bit off though, wouldn’t it?
God: I don’t know what you mean.
KM: Well, me and my future wife with Jesus in the middle. Like in a threesome. I don’t really want to have that dream.
God: You’re being far too literal.
KM: When I dream about threesomes, it’s two-girl threesomes. I definitely don’t want some bearded, sandal-wearing hippy showing up. That’d be a serious cock block.
God: Are you deliberately trying to annoy me?
KM: By calling Jesus a cock blocker? No way. If I was trying to annoy you I would have called him a fuck deductor.
God: Ha, ha. Very not funny.
KM: So it’s okay if Christ’s in the next room, rather than right at the centre of the plan or dream?
God: If that makes it easier for you to understand, sure. Is that it for tonight?
KM: Can I just ask one more question?
God: Just a quick one.
KM: Did Jesus ever have a threesome?
God: Go to sleep, Neel.
KM: Night, God.