Sexually aroused by faeces
Kneeling Man: Oi, God! The Pope’s been talking about coprophagia.
God: Yes I saw that.
KM: What does it mean?
God: Why are you asking me? Didn’t you look it up?
KM: Yes, I did.
God: I know you did.
KM: Getting sexually aroused by faeces? I’d never heard of such a thing before. But the Pope seems to know all about it.
God: Knowledge is good.
KM: The Pope seems to think it’s quite a common thing. I didn’t even know it was a thing.
God: Then I’m sorry that you had to find out about it.
KM: Me too. It’s not the first time he’s talked about it either.
God: Really?
KM: In 2013 he said journalists risked becoming ill from their coprophilia, and that they could be fomenting coprophagia in their readers.
God: Uh huh.
KM: You don’t think he might be psychologically projecting do you?
God: I don’t think it’s the sort of thing you should be thinking about, Neel.
KM: I agree. Makes me feel sick. I hope he’ll stop talking about it.
God: Was there anything else, Neel?
KM: No, that’s it. Thanks, God. Good night.
God: Sleep well, Neel.
KM: If I can stop thinking about it I will.
I hope this isn’t the sort of thing they discuss over dinner in the Vatican.
Unless it’s what they’re having for dinner –
Did you enjoy your meal, Holy Father?
It tasted like shit.
Excellent. I’ll tell the chef.