Kneeling Man: Oi, God! You there? Did you see this? The Pope says the Church has no other meaning and finality than to witness Jesus.
God: Uh huh.
KM: I’ve been struggling with this in a couple of ways.
God: Life can often be a struggle, Neel.
KM: Yeah, quite often. And often thanks to your bullshit in the case of a lot of people.
God: No need to be rude, Neel. I am listening.
KM: Listening, listening, listening. To all those millions of unanswered prayers. Your area of expertise, obviously. Doing anything useful doesn’t seem to concern you. In fact your lack of intervention in anything makes the whole omnipotent thing laughable. Impotent is a more accurate description of your powers based on the evidence.
God: If you’re going to keep insulting me I’ll stop listening.
KM: Also beyond your powers, big boy. Whoever imagines that they’re talking to you controls whether you’re there or not.
God: I thought you wanted to talk about the Pope’s tweet.
KM: Oh, yeah. Firstly I don’t understand what it means. Which could be a bit embarrassing because thousands of people have liked it and retweeted it so obviously they all understand it.
God: Not necessarily.
KM: You think they’d like it and retweet it if they didn’t get it?
God: People sometimes pretend to understand things that don’t make sense. As a way of trying not to look stupid. Not that I’m saying the Pontiff doesn’t make sense here, but he could be a little less obtuse perhaps. What was the other thing you were struggling with?
KM: It’s difficult trying to get a handle on something so vague that it barely makes sense, so I’m having trouble trying to remember it. Which isn’t good, as the Pontiff makes it pretty clear that he doesn’t want us to forget it.
God: He does say that.
KM: But even using mnemonics it’s tricky, because apart from having no other meaning, I haven’t yet managed to understand the first meaning. Let alone either of the finalities.
God: There is no other finality. Just the one.
KM: What?
God: He said “no other”, meaning there is only one meaning and finality.
KM: Which is?
God: To witness Jesus. You understand the meaning of witnessing Jesus?
KM: I’ve witnessed all the crucifixes. The church is full of them. Is crucifixes the correct plural?
God: Sounds nicer than crucify.
KM: To you I’m sure it would. But surely the Pope can’t mean that the only meaning of the church is to look at the graven images.
God: You wouldn’t think so.
KM: So can you help me out?
God: Did you try asking the Pontiff? He’s the one who tweeted it.
KM: He doesn’t seem to respond to tweets. He’s pretty much a one-way from Jesus kind of Twitterer.
God: Oh, all right. So, no other meaning and finality…
KM: Oh hang on, he said “to witness to Jesus”, not “to witness Jesus”.
God: Well done. Further study always helps.
KM: I still don’t get it. Does it mean to tell stuff to Jesus? Like he’s a judge or something.
God: There you go.
KM: So the only reason for the church to exist is for people to talk to Jesus? As in praying?
God: You got a problem with that?
KM: It seems like the Pope himself may have forgotten it, contrary to his own stated wishes.
God: What makes you say that?
KM: A multi-billion dollar, international organization hardly seems necessary for people just wanting to indulge in a little prayer.
God: Can’t argue with that.
KM: I’m really tired now. Night, God.
God: Night, Neel. Sleep well.
