Kneeling Man: Oi, God! You there?
God: Of course, Neel, as always. What’s on your mind?
KM: This old tweet from the old coot’s like a get out of hell free card. You think that’s a good idea?
God: What are you talking about, Neel?
KM: He’s saying that no sin is as strong as your forgiveness. So therefore you can do anything you like, genocide for example, knowing full well that if you step into a confessional afterwards, you’ll walk out with a clear slate.
God: I don’t think that’s the message he’s trying to get across.
KM: But it is what he’s saying. Why not go a step further and confess in advance? That way if you happen to be gunned down by the cops in the middle of a killing spree you’ll still go to heaven.
God: He definitely didn’t say that.
KM: It almost amounts to the same thing. If you know you’ll be forgiven, you can do anything you want. Heaven’s going to be full of real assholes when they twig to this.
God: I don’t think that’ll happen.
KM: We’ll see. New question. Once you’ve forgiven a sin, that’s it isn’t it? It’s not like being on parole where if you commit another sin you can add the old ones on top of the new sentence.
God: When a sin is forgiven, that, as you say, is it.
KM: And you can forgive any sin, regardless of how bad it is?
God: Provided the sinner repents and asks for forgiveness, yes. You’re not planning on committing a grave sin, are you Neal?
KM: Of course not. Can you hear the screams of the sinners in hell?
God: Yes.
KM: So you can hear their prayers as well?
God: People in hell don’t pray. They’re too busy dealing with pain and flames and the devil to even think about praying.
KM: So the last chance you get is if you see the gates of hell and you realise that’s where you’re going?
God: Pretty much.
KM: Will a last minute prayer be enough to do the job?
God: The job?
KM: Avoiding hell and going to heaven instead.
God: A sincere prayer for forgiveness will always be answered. Just don’t make the mistake of relying on that though. If you die when you’re not expecting it or while you’re unconscious…
KM: That’s why I always talk to you before I go to sleep.
God: But you don’t ask for forgiveness.
KM: Goes without saying. Just assume that I do and forgive me every day, okay?
God: That’s almost like your idea of forgiving in advance of a serious crime.
KM: You and your followers have so many bloody silly rules why can’t I have this one?
God: Fair enough. You’re forgiven.
KM: Woo hoo. Where’s Pascal incidentally? Is he with you up there? Did that work out for him?
God: No, he’s in hell. Silly bugger, at the last minute he changed Gods, picked the wrong one.
KM: Good. Serves him right.
God: I know. It made me laugh and laugh. Lying there on his death bed he started to panic. Changed his chosen God four times in his last ten minutes.
KM: He must be kicking himself.
God: He sure is. With a big spiky boot that goes all the way up his ass every time. He screams and screams.
KM: Nice.
God: Sleep well, Neel.
KM: Night, God.
