Kneeling Man: Oi, God, what’s the silly old coot banging on about here? I’m thinking that he might be asking a bit much. What do you think?
God: He’s asking you to remember to make Jesus an ongoing part of your life.
KM: Yeah, but I really don’t have much control over who shows up in my dreams.
God: He means dreams as in plans.
KM: He said dreams “and” plans, not dreams “as in” plans.
God: You’re being unusually pedantic tonight, Neel.
KM: A dream without a plan can end up turning into a nightmare.
God: What?
KM: I just thought of it. As a cool thing for a motivational guru to say. I bet someone’s already said it.
God: Have you been toking on the old wacky tobaccy tonight, Neel?
KM: I think the term is wacky baccy. And no, not yet. He said plans and dreams twice. So he must think they’re different, otherwise he’s just farted out a double redundancy.
God: This isn’t feeling like a good use of my time, Neel.
KM: Fair enough. Can we boil it down to him saying, make Christ the centre of all your plans?
God: At last. Not so difficult was it?
KM: If my plan was to get married and have children, that’d be a bit off though, wouldn’t it?
God: I don’t know what you mean.
KM: Well, me and my future wife with Jesus in the middle. Like in a threesome. Holy crap, I’d spend the rest of my wife waiting for my child to be crucified. I don’t really want to have that dream.
God: You’re being far too literal.
KM: When I dream about threesomes, it’s two-girl threesomes. I definitely don’t want some bearded, sandal-wearing hippy showing up. That’d be a serious cock block.
God: Are you deliberately trying to annoy me?
KM: By calling Jesus a cock blocker? No way. If I was trying to annoy you I would have called him a fuck deductor.
God: Ha, ha. Very not funny.
KM: So that getting in the middle of a marriage thing, you only ever did that the once?
God: What?
KM: The Jesus procreation. You never went back for seconds?
God: That’s it. Enough. I’m out of here.
KM: No way, big boy. All your propaganda says you’re always there for us. If we get on our knees, there you are. Besides where would you go? You’re omnipresent. You’re already there.
God: Jesus wept.
KM: How about if Christ’s in the next room, rather than right at the centre of the plan or dream?
God: If that makes it easier for you to understand, sure. Is that it for tonight?
KM: Can I just ask one more question?
God: Just a quick one.
KM: Did Jesus ever have a threesome?
God: Go to sleep, Neel.
KM: Night, God.
