Pope says love fills the empty spaces caused by evil
Kneeling Man: Oi, God. The Pope’s talking crazy shit again. Any idea what he’s on about?
God: The importance of love, Neel. Christian love.
KM: So he’s not talking about making love then?
God: No.
KM: Well that’s lucky. Otherwise it’d be like he was asking us to get it on twenty four seven. Oh no, over there, another empty space. Quick, we’d better fuck. Get rid of that evil.
God: Settle down, Neel. Remember who you’re talking to.
KM: Yeah, my imagination. Thanks for the reminder. So the Pope’s talking about that non-physical type of love thing?
God: For the love of Jesus, Neel, yes. Christian love.
KM: How does evil cause empty spaces?
God: Well, that’s a very complicated concept. I’m not sure we have time to go into it in detail.
KM: Just in broad terms.
God: It’s really not the sort of thing that can be summarised.
KM: Yeah, right. Okay. Are all empty spaces evil? Because there’s an awful lot of empty space in space. That’s a whole lot of evil. Actually that’d make pretty much 99.999999999% of everything in the universe evil.
God: He’s not saying the empty spaces are evil. Just that they can be caused by evil. And I don’t think he meant that all empty space in space is caused by evil. Not that sort of space.
KM: So some empty spaces are caused by evil. But probably not the ones with the blue lines and the wheelchair pictures closest to the door? Because those are good spaces, right?
God: I don’t think he was thinking about parking spaces either, Neel.
KM: So what sort of spaces was he thinking about?
God: Spaces in the heart.
KM: Oooh. Like when babies are born with a hole in their heart? Or when people get a heart murmer? Ooh my heart, it’s got an evil space, ooohhhh.
God: If you’re going to be childish, I have other things to do.
KM: Like what? Curing child cancer or stopping the odd spot of genocide? Don’t let me hold you back.
God: You’re being a real dick tonight, Neel.
KM: Okay, back to the Pope’s tweet. What does evil get out of causing empty spaces? Especially if they don’t stay evil after evil’s finished causing them.
God: Once again it’s a very complicated concept.
KM: That can’t be summarised?
God: Pretty much.
KM: If you weren’t an all knowing and beneficent God, I’d suspect that you know the Pope’s just making shit up and you’re covering for him.
God: Well that’s what you have free will for, Neel. You can think wahtever you like. Aren’t you getting tired?
KM: Just one more thing. If love is the secret of Christian living, why’s he tweeting it to the whole world? Does he not understand the concept of a secret?
God: What?
KM: Never mind.
God: Night, Neel.
KM: Night, God.
