Testicles swinging in the breeze – intelligent design? Kneeling Man: Oi, God, I found some pictures of Testicles in an encyclopedia. I think maybe I should have put them in my new book, Not Very Intelligent Design. God: Uh huh. KM: They’re about things from way back in the day before your son, the sweet, …
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Knees – the weakest link? Kneeling Man: Oi, God, I just realised I didn’t put quite enough about knees in my new book, Not Very Intelligent Design. God: Really? I think you said more than enough about everything, quite frankly. KM: When it comes to knees, I understand why you stuffed up. God: I don’t …
Making shit up is fine, saying it’s true isn’t Kneeling Man: Oi, God, are you there? No? Doesn’t matter. I’m in the mood for a rant, not a conversation. KM: Horses stand around in paddocks wondering what the fuck’s going on. Then they stop wondering, look down and eat grass. This goes on until …
Available Now Not Very Intelligent Design is available now in three exciting versions on Amazon.com. The “sort of free-ish” version, for those who have a Kindle unlimited account. The “cheaper than a cup of coffee” version (US$2.99), aka the Kindle ebook. The “cheaper than a glass of wine” version (US$7.99), aka the paperback. Available …
One Way One Truth One Jesus One God Kneeling Man: Oi, God, what happened to that old One Way Jesus with the pointy finger thing? God: Did something happen to it? KM: I don’t hear it so much these days. In fact the last time I heard it was a guy at an airport over …
Neel and Mark Ingman were talking one day. Which produced an idea. Let’s assume the position that man was designed by an intelligent designer. Then, let’s analyse all parts of the human body with regard to the expertise of the designer, all the while approaching the subject with honesty, an open mind, and with all …
The Not Very Intelligent Design of Hair Excerpt from the book, Not Very Intelligent Design HAIR People spend a lot of time, money and effort on hair. It needs washing, cutting, styling, straightening, curling or colouring. Some people find that it even needs replanting. Or plucking. In days gone by, a noble hairline (these days …
Spouse of Mary aka St Joseph the Cuckold Kneeling Man: Oi, God, your boy’s on fire today. Jamming a whole shitload of piss-takes into one little tweet. God: What are you talking about, Neel? KM: Best wishes to fathers? God: Yeah, and? KM: Well he wasn’t a father was he, old Joseph? He was a …
Pope thanks all who teach in Catholic schools Kneeling Man: Oi, God, what’s this shit? Educating an act of love, giving life? Could almost be a description of fornication, no? You’d think he’d be more careful about this sort of thing. What with all the pedophile priest business. God: You think he’s thanking teachers who …
Monkeys in the Image of God Kneeling Man: Oi, God, Ken’s hamming it up again. I think he doth protest a bit much. I mean a quick glance at Ken Ham’s face is enough to see the family resemblance. If you didn’t make Monkeys in the image of God, why did you make Ken Ham …
Question for God from Nigel Kneeling Man: Oi, God, it’s that time again. I have a question for God from Nigel. Nigel wants to know how and why you created day and night three days before you created the Sun and the Moon? God: The amazing thing, Neel, is that more people don’t question that. …
Beauty in God’s plan for humanity Kneeling Man: Oi, God, his vaticanly holiness has fired out another another word salad one. I think he probably has his people knock up a whole lot of random ecclesiastical sounding tweets so he can pretty much whip them off the shelf as he needs them. God: He also …
Entrust the New Year to Mary, Mother of God Kneeling Man: Oi, God! Does this mean the Pope trusts your mother more than he trusts you and Jesus? God: I doubt that’s what he means. KM: So it’s more like, give Mary a go because 2016 was such a crapper? God: No, I don’t think …
Question for God from Helen Kneeling Man: Oi, God! You there? I have a question for God from Helen. It’s a bit of a curly one. God: Curly like a pig’s tail? KM: Sort of. In that it’s to do with Jews and Muslims. What’s with that whole anti-bacon thing anyway? God: Is that the …
The Ten Commandments – thirty five percent useful Kneeling Man: Oi, God! I was talking to some people the other day about the Ten Commandments. A few questions came up. God: Uh huh. KM: Firstly the Bible says that you carved them in stone, on two tablets. Is that true? God: Sort of. I didn’t …
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Meaning to my life here on earth Kneeling Man: Oi, God, I don’t understand why he tweeted this. Jesus gives meaning to my life here on earth? God: What’s to understand, Neel? It makes perfect sense to me. KM: It’s just stating the bleeding obvious isn’t it? God: He’s reiterating his faith. KM: Sure, but …
God is working, winter always gives way to spring Kneeling Man: Oi, God, you there? I hope I’m not interrupting you. God: Of course not, Neel. Why would you say that? KM: Well, that smarmy-faced bullshitter Joel Osteen said you’re working. God: I’m always working, Neel. Even now. This is what I do. KM: Of …
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Sexually aroused by faeces Kneeling Man: Oi, God! The Pope’s been talking about coprophagia. God: Yes I saw that. KM: What does it mean? God: Why are you asking me? Didn’t you look it up? KM: Yes, I did. God: I know you did. KM: Getting sexually aroused by faeces? I’d never heard of such …
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The mystery of the Cross understood in prayer Kneeling Man: Oi, God! Have you seen this shit? God: What is it now, Neel? KM: Praying and weeping while kneeling to reveal the mystery of the cross understood in prayer. A mystery of love. What the fuck is he talking about? God: The cross, Neel. You …
Pope says love fills the empty spaces caused by evil Kneeling Man: Oi, God. The Pope’s talking crazy shit again. Any idea what he’s on about? God: The importance of love, Neel. Christian love. KM: So he’s not talking about making love then? God: No. KM: Well that’s lucky. Otherwise it’d be like he was …
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