Question for God from Helen Kneeling Man: Oi, God! You there? I have a question for God from Helen. It’s a bit of a curly one. God: Curly like a pig’s tail? KM: Sort of. In that it’s to do with Jews and Muslims. What’s with that whole anti-bacon thing anyway? God: Is that the …
The Ten Commandments – thirty five percent useful Kneeling Man: Oi, God! I was talking to some people the other day about the Ten Commandments. A few questions came up. God: Uh huh. KM: Firstly the Bible says that you carved them in stone, on two tablets. Is that true? God: Sort of. I didn’t …
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Meaning to my life here on earth Kneeling Man: Oi, God, I don’t understand why he tweeted this. Jesus gives meaning to my life here on earth? God: What’s to understand, Neel? It makes perfect sense to me. KM: It’s just stating the bleeding obvious isn’t it? God: He’s reiterating his faith. KM: Sure, but …
God is working, winter always gives way to spring Kneeling Man: Oi, God, you there? I hope I’m not interrupting you. God: Of course not, Neel. Why would you say that? KM: Well, that smarmy-faced bullshitter Joel Osteen said you’re working. God: I’m always working, Neel. Even now. This is what I do. KM: Of …
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Sexually aroused by faeces Kneeling Man: Oi, God! The Pope’s been talking about coprophagia. God: Yes I saw that. KM: What does it mean? God: Why are you asking me? Didn’t you look it up? KM: Yes, I did. God: I know you did. KM: Getting sexually aroused by faeces? I’d never heard of such …
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The mystery of the Cross understood in prayer Kneeling Man: Oi, God! Have you seen this shit? God: What is it now, Neel? KM: Praying and weeping while kneeling to reveal the mystery of the cross understood in prayer. A mystery of love. What the fuck is he talking about? God: The cross, Neel. You …
Pope says love fills the empty spaces caused by evil Kneeling Man: Oi, God. The Pope’s talking crazy shit again. Any idea what he’s on about? God: The importance of love, Neel. Christian love. KM: So he’s not talking about making love then? God: No. KM: Well that’s lucky. Otherwise it’d be like he was …
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Pope says mercy can save humanity and the world Kneeling Man: Oi, God, did you see this? The Pope says mercy can save humanity and the world. Saving humanity and the world’s a big one. God: It certainly is. KM: You think sin and evil are as big a threat as climate change? God: They’re …
Question for God from Lindy C, from Kazakhstan Kneeling Man: Oi, God! You there? I have a question for God from Lindy C, from Kazakhstan. God: I’ll just briefly take this opportunity, Neel, to say that I never forsook that country, despite what many people say. KM: Lindy’s not saying that. God: Okay, good. KM: …
Pope tweets a Heart full of love – not a Led Zep song Kneeling Man: Oi, God! The Pope’s tweeting about a heart full of love. Sounds pretty good. God: Nothing finer. KM: And all I have to do to get one is to be merciful. How merciful will I have to be to get …
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Question for God from Andrew G Kneeling Man: Oi, God, you listening? I’ve got a question for God from Andrew G. He’s thirteen years old. God: Shoot. KM: Well that was an unfortunate word choice. He wants to know what he should do if a gunman comes into his classroom? God: Oops. Sorry about that. …
Kneeling Man: Oi, God, what’s the silly old coot banging on about here? I’m thinking that he might be asking a bit much. What do you think? God: He’s asking you to remember to make Jesus an ongoing part of your life. KM: Yeah, but I really don’t have much control over who shows up …
Kneeling Man: Oi, God! Have you seen this one where the Pope tweets about hate, darkness, love, hope and human faces (not faeces). God: Why did you bring faeces into it? Shock value? KM: Yeah. And because the Pope has been known to talk about being sexually aroused by faeces, but there’ll be another post …
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Kneeling Man: Oi, God! Have you seen this one where the Pope pontificates on marriage, difficult moments and the path of love? Why does the Pope think he knows so much about marriage? God: The Pope is a very wise man. KM: Yeah, I know. But he doesn’t have much experience in this area. God: …
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Kneeling Man: Oi, God! What do you think about this? The Pope says faith is given to us in and through the Church. We wouldn’t have faith without the Church giving it to us. God: Is there a problem with that? KM: Not with the words. They actually make sense for a change. Just a …
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Kneeling Man: Oi, God! You there? God: Of course, Neel, as always. What’s on your mind? KM: This old tweet from the old coot’s like a get out of hell free card. You think that’s a good idea? God: What are you talking about, Neel? KM: He’s saying that no sin is as strong as …
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Kneeling Man: Oi, God! The Pope wants me to ask you something. God: What’s that, Neel? KM: Can I have the gentleness please? God: Sure. Have as much as you like. KM: Is there no limit? I thought I might have to do something for it. Like say a few Hail Marys or something. God: …
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Kneeling Man: Oi, God! You there? Did you see this? The Pope says the Church has no other meaning and finality than to witness Jesus. God: Uh huh. KM: I’ve been struggling with this in a couple of ways. God: Life can often be a struggle, Neel. KM: Yeah, quite often. And often thanks to …
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